10 Things I’ve Learned From Doubling Our Amount of Offspring

1. No matter how much you prepare #1 for #2, he will still be pissed, jealous, and act like a bipolar monkey.

2. You only thought you knew what exhaustion was.

3. Napping while baby naps is great advice, but then no one will be clothed, eat, or smell nice.

4. Crying doesn’t bother me at all and, furthermore, crying analysis is my new specialty (as in he’s ok, that’s not his hurt cry).

5. I can bathe, brush the teeth of #1, and read him three stories while #2 screams the entire time.

6. I can feed #2 and simultaneously have an in depth discussion with #1 about where sharks live, what they eat (people and fish), and why “Open Water” is not an appropriate movie for a three year old.

7. My mealtime is a luxury.

8. Man to man defense is the way to go; I will not move to a zone coverage.

9. #1 is still too young to realize that he is being worked and gladly fetches wipes, beers pacifiers, and anything else I’m too lazy to get myself.

10. Dinner is a term used extremely loosely these days. Before #2 I was an avid cook and loved trying new recipes. Now, peanut butter and jelly with a side of sliced apples is our gourmet meal.